Have you ever felt as if you are standing at a crossroad in your life, and you weren’t sure which way to go? I’ve had this feeling building inside of me for the last few months, and it has become all the more acute and intense after seeing the movie, “Into the Wild” last night. The film is based upon a true story of a young man choosing to leave his life and family behind to wander randomly across the country. He decided to do this for a few reasons related to his family situation, but mainly he just didn’t want to live the kind of life that was expected of him. So he wandered away, and kept on doing so, and never saw his family again.
I sometimes get this urge to just “wander away” from my life and leave everything behind – even Yuuki. But would I ever do it? The character in the movie seemed to realize far too late, that the most important thing he left behind were the people, but until his last moments of extreme aloneness he had no idea of their importance. I am older than he was, and I have already learned this lesson about the value of my relationships with other people. It is what ultimately keeps me from just wandering off into the wild.
Yes! In fact I recently wrote a poem about this very thing. I have two small children and sometimes the challenge to keep my creative life going plus be a good mama drives me a little crazy – here’s the poem:
TENANTS
by helen lehndorf
These two guys live in our house.
They follow us around and they
ask far too many questions.
They expect food, regularly.
Thoughtful food – not just tea and toast,
and they won’t go to sleep when we are tired.
Four people live in our house now.
A small house. The best we could afford.
Some days I would like to get on my bike
ride through the square and keep on riding
right out of this flat, cross-hatch town.
But those two boys who live with us now,
they would be sitting at the table
waiting for tea. They would get hungry. No,
they would probably eat biscuits. They
wouldn’t go to sleep in the right beds.
Simpler to stay. They need their dinner
and I couldn’t begin to explain
that I didn’t want to leave them-
the way that when you are hopping rocks
in the river, you don’t jump
to the next rock
because there was
something wrong with the last.
Thank you for sharing this poem Helen. I guess everyone is tempted to take off from their life once in awhile. 🙂